Update 7

Gratitude Attitude

To have the gratitude attitude, one must be conscious of and thankful for the gifts received in life. 
I am thankful for many gifts.  The Smilie School has allowed us to camp on the property. Wild sumac provided us with great tea. The teachers gave us the means to make hot chocolate. I am thankful for  boughs and the wonderful floor they make; unparalleled by cardboard. 
I am thankful to be here, right now, with these people, with this community, on this expedition. This truly is a great experience, which few people ever know. I am thankful I am one of the few.

Perhaps most importantly, I am thankful to be thankful. It feels good to be thankful. Every gift received becomes better when acknowledged as a gift.  To have gratitude is to be happy.
-Conor

This leg was the leg of our Group Solo.

We have chosen camp alone before, we have set up camp alone before, and we have navigated and skied alone before; we have been on our own, but not all at once. This was a true test of how strong we are together.

Before the Group Solo:
On one day that we navigated and skied alone, Lu & Andrew waved goodbye with their backpacks on and skied off before we had finished taking down the tent. The night before we had agreed to camp and reunite along three little ponds around 10k away, and we would see them then.

We were nervous that they were leaving but we knew that they were leaving tracks. There were several chances where we could have taken a different route, or a shortcut over easier terrain, and we have certainly ignored teacher tracks before.

Sometimes they’ve gone the wrong way to try and trick us, and we didn’t fall for that back then! But today, the way it went, we stayed alongside the teacher tracks and felt some more secure in our position, but not as proud.

The Catamount Trail spat us out onto the side of a large straight road, which baffled our navigator of the day Conor, and everyone else, for some time. The teacher tracks were still with us but where were we? We walked up some of it and came across some water, and suddenly it all made sense! The Catamount must have been rerouted yet again, as we’ve learned and been stumped by many times, and judging from the brook and the pond we must be much farther along than we thought! We did not go North and then East, we had gone a squirrely, disorienting Northeast.

It was after a slow half kilometer road walk that we came across Golf Course Road, and Malcolm Master Navigator remembered seeing that on the maps before. We found the intersection on the map and it was a couple kilometers past the three little ponds.

Woops.

As it turns out the Catamount had not been rerouted, but our teachers had skied past our agreed-upon destination, and we had trusted their tracks instead of our own navigational sense and instincts.

The shadows were getting longer but we felt we had to get to those three ponds one way or another on the account that we were separated, so we started walking and laughing.

At that moment, Lu & Andrew found us, and we were able to pick a camp right near where we were. They had bought us ice cream and we all ate it together that night, talking about the crazy Catamount.

The next day we visited the Lepine sisters.  I was not able to go, so Josia wrote about the visit…

Imagine yourself walking up to a small house overlooking picturesque Vermont rolling fields, the patchy snow turned mucky from multitudes of cattle strolling over it. It’s about midmorning and the sunny air feels like spring on your t-shirt clad body.  You are a little sweaty after the ski from a tucked-away liveover camp. As you approach the door, a little dog begins voicing its operas through the ripped screen door, and three opinionated, strong female voices are raised in response.  The air inside the hours is warm, the walls coated in beautiful paintings from all sorts of local artists, and on the kitchen table is a mug of unfinished cocoa set down next to recent newspapers. This is the house of Gert, Jeanette, and Marie Lepine. They are native Vermont farmers, sisters who a few years ago sold their family dairy farm after an eighty-plus year lifetime of managing it.

Over the few hours we were welcomed into their home, we learned of old and new ways of dairy farming; from squirting milk at your brother to an electric tagging system.  We heard about  the adventures of a Pan Am flight attendant from Jeanette, self dubbed “Jeanette Lepine, International Garbage Queen”.  We tasted the delicious intricacies of raw Holstein milk and chocolate chip cookies.

The Lepine sisters are really more than all of that. 

As one of our group’s few female members, the highlight of my morning was Gert’s response to my inquiry about running the farm as a women. She said that people would come to the farm and look around for a while.  When she asked if they needed something, would say that they were looking for the boss. Gert would point to her chest and say "right here" very proudly. 

These women, who some might consider to be "just" old farmer sisters, are still cutting their own 6 cords of wood with a chainsaw and studying the birds that feed outside their window. They are full of passion and life and stories about the gallery they used to own, Gert's teaching stint, Marie’s restaurant, and Jeanette’s aeronautic adventures, all on top of their dairy farm. Talking to them, it is easy to imagine that with enough will and work, anything is possible. They pushed us all to think hard about what we want to do with our lives. 

As I left their house, my pack a tiny bit heavier from the wonderful weight of blueberries and maple syrup, my heart was shining and loving life.  I felt relaxed, at home and empowered to live in this world, going through with my ideas and learning forever.

-Josia

A few days before the end of the leg, Lu & Andrew brought us into a circle.  We listened to a poem and sang together in a field of melted snow and soft mossy grass and warm gray branches.

We were about to separate and set off on our Group Solo, three days that many of us were scared of. How could the 9 of us keep moving smoothly and get along without our teachers? I was sure that we would know what to do. I was not sure that we would be able to do it. It is hard to be led by your peers if you are in disagreement. Taking criticism is a hard task.

We broke the hand circle and said goodbye to Andrew & Lu.

We brought the circle back together, arms over each other’s shoulders as they walked off, and suddenly it didn’t feel like such a mountain to cross. I believe everyone else felt that too, because we shared that even though we were worried, we would do all right. Which was right.

Later that day we were done with dinner before dark and breakfast was already cooked and ready to be reheated for the morning. The tarp went up and the tent was set strong in the best available space. During our Evening Share we shared just how unbelievable it was that we were solid enough to have organized an Evening Share, or even have time for one.

This beautiful rhythm continued over the remaining days, and we made many important memories.

We visited the Elmore Store and bought local ice cream, apple cider, strudels and muffins with some of our group money. The lady who ran the store was very nice and gave us a loaf of one-day-old raisin bread, which we saved for tomorrow’s breakfast, and it was delicious. The lady asked to look at my knife and was impressed that we had all made our handles, but reassured me that her knife was bigger, which it was! It was closer to a machete behind that desk! Our group lunched together under the sun, which was melting all of our snow, but giving us a dry green hill to picnic on. Very importantly, we limited our time and kept moving when it was coming to an appropriate end.

I haven’t talked much about our Layovers but I believe Heartbeet deserves the recognition. They are a biodynamic farm and life-sharing community, involving many capable adults with special needs.  Heartbeet just recently became North America’s 12^th Camphill, but I can tell you a bit more than that.

We sleep in the hayloft where the hay has been cleared, but we can sleep in the hay itself with our sleeping bags. Noah did and convinced me to as well. I honestly found the most comfortable position in the world and I woke up not knowing if I was actually lying down or just drifting. Below us are chickens, roosters, calves, cows, pigs, goats, and ducks, and I love their calls coming up in the morning, even the rooster.

When I walk down the dirt roads everyone smiles at me and I shake their hand and meet them and learn their names. I learned how to milk and when it was time to finish and I was checked, there was barely any milk left! I had a great conversation with a woman around my mom’s age and I learned how she came to Heartbeet looking for a different life because she was, the word wasn’t frustrated but she didn’t know what it was, back at home and the idea of coming to a farm was beautiful. She said she’s been writing imagination stories lately and maybe she would write one for me. She’s practicing and is hoping to work up to something much longer someday.

Jonathon, the co-founder alongside his wife Hannah, came to our lunch yesterday in the tent, which we’ve set up in a field. He was so excited to share his and Heartbeet’s philosophies with us that he hadn’t finished his first bowl by the time we were on thirds! He said that originally he was not sure why they had started Heartbeet in Hardwick, there was not much going on, but now it is a huge center for young entrepreneurs with big ideas who want to do well for the customer and be involved in the community. I asked him if he thought they had just gotten lucky with the town or if they had influenced the change. He laughed and said he thought it was destiny, and told me, “Even though I don’t believe in chance, I have found myself lucky.”

If you are trying to do something good, the little miracles you need have a way of finding you.

We visited a Waldorf school and presented ourselves and what we are here for with members of the community and young students. We set up the tent and made hot drinks over the stove, and they stood inside it with mugs of yellow birch and spruce tea. We sang songs and taught about trees and shared some of our poetry back in the school building. Willie, Adam and I shared a little more about ourselves with short personal narratives and I was proud to stand in front of that small crowd and remember how I came to be here. I was very glad that we were able to go there.
I am very glad that we are able to be here.

Work from Pushups and Poetry

Solo

-Willie

to learn independently

to feel empowered
unlike the way we are

when help is showered

to give a shot at what was learned

after all what else do we need

you watered the plant inside us

it’s time for us to sew the seed

Gifts

-Malcolm

I look around earth and every person has a gift that they offer. Ones so special and unique I can’t help but accept it. Some stand tall and shout to the world “here it is” Some quietly kneel down and extend a hand. There are those whose gift is so natural they don’t know they have one.

Each gift is differently given

Some laid at your feet with fanfare

Others a little token under our pillow or simply in the palm of an outstretched hand with no more explanation than a wink and each of them with a different wrapping. Newspaper and twine for this while bows and bobble on that and no matter how they come forth, you know that each comes from that place in the heart

The place where sad music touches your happiest memories

With the knowledge of where they come from you cannot help but appreciate them. And with that appreciation all you want to do is answer

Answer with your gift

Noticing

-Josia

It’s pretty incredible

what a group can do

to a person

so today

I was doing something as mundane

as walking down the stairs

quite and echoey and cavernous

cold and concrete, uninviting in their semi-lit state

and I was singing

but it was more than that

at home, I used to sing too

not loudly

but to myself

under my breath

and then stop

as soon as I knew

someone my be drawing close

so today

as I was sweeping the stairs

singing

I realized

it wasn’t quiet

or secretive

but open

and free

and I knew then that part of me

the inner, joyful, loving bit

is flying right now

as much as it complains about my cold ears

deprived of their bunny hat in the wash

it knows

that it is welcome

accepted

so incredibly excited

to be itself

that all it can do

is sing

Fire

-Everett

the flight of the grouse

whirling upwards

the track of the mink

bounding between trees

the gurgle of the stream

under the ice

the slopes of the hills

rolling away

the monolithic boulders bearded wih moss

the flat expanse of a beaver swamp

under the sky

the clouds fleeing the wind

grey and white and purple

all the earth humming

weaving its way

the crackle of the fire

awoken from the trees

and brought forth

to speak as well

by me

I’ve been sitting here watching Adam finish cooking and adding spices, and I keep thinking to myself. Wasn’t that tomato powder added too late? Do we need that much salt? He’s doing it a different way than I would want to see if it works. He’s learning much more than I am right now. But sometimes I want to try it my way and learn too. I would love to have my own pot of barley and taste it as it boils until it burns, so I can learn the path it takes and not just ask for the answer. It cooks in 0 minutes. I would love to learn the paths of many things until they all come out beautifully.

-Dean

What I hope to retain from semester

-Adam

There are a lot of things I want to continue past my time at Kroka. Here are a few.

Waking up early. Our days are often 5:30am to 9:30pm. It feels like doubling your money to have a day that active, especially when you’re living outside for most of that. It’s not always possible, but its great to have no watch.

Wilderness spirituality. When we sing before blessing meals or “greet the day” for “morning meditation” or thank the resources we use and eat, it spices up the mundane, and lends a deeper meaning to our world.

Relationship to work. I’ve learned here that no work is beneath you, and also that all work can be done beautifully and create a work of art from everyday tasks. A janitor can be the life of a school, and to sweat daily is wonderful. Washing our dishes by hand, or chopping firewood instead of burning fossil fuels is more work but well worth it.

Living in the circle of the sun. There’s a satisfaction in well-earned exhaustion and its great to exercise simply by living. Food, energy, and all other things are gifts and well earned when you try.

Natural Knowledge. I know more about the weather, navigation, trees, water, outdoor living, firewood and wilderness skills ten I ever thought possible. Just surviving or outlasting the elements is not the point. The goal is to thrive outdoors, to live well in primitive settings and to feel at home.

Conscious lifestyle. Kroka gives priority to ethical and sustainable practices, whether it be local organic food, energy efficient housing, or environmental education. Its empowering to see the overwhelming goal of living more responsibly on the earth become a daily reality.

Constant education. Kroka has taught me to ask the good questions and not just questions. I’ve never learned in the same constant way that days here on semester are filled with. We learn a tree one moment and then that evening I memorize a poem and make a dinner for nine. At the same time this break from continual academics here has made me even more hungry to go off to college in 6 months

Good habits. I get up early every day. I cook much of my food, I at least have a solid relationship to it, and know exactly where it’s from. I am involved in the energy use, splitting firewood and using electricity prudently. I journal often, from basic to-do lists to reflection ad brainstorming goals for the future. I’m outside every day and exercising so much more. I feel empowered, optimistic about the world and my place in it.

And even more to come in the two and a half months ahead…

Update 6 - February 26th, 2012

FEBRUARY 26th

4 PM

We are standing circled round in the middle of a long day at the grey end of the day. Our shoulders are slumped and our packs are swollen heavy. Our faces are stiff and we are looking straight ahead at Chris, who called us together. We do not want to face this or deal with it any longer…

8 AM

The sun is just up over the horizon and we are dancing while working in beautiful dry and deep powder. For the first time the forest’s boughs are truly white and drooping all the way up, and the tent is backed into this winter wall, but still open to the blue bright morning and gold rising sun in front of us. This is the day we’ve been teased and wow it’s really here!

11 AM

We’ve never had to break trail before but it seems pretty fun! It’s not actually that much snow compared to other winters but it is still tiring when we take turns plowing far ahead, clearing the path, for as long as we can. We’re not moving too much slower either! It’s almost midday already and we haven’t done much yet but we’ve never done this before so of course that’s where we are!

1 PM

The forest is rushing by but we can float just standing still. As the trail curves and the land undulates we see glimpses of tall and mighty Mt. Abraham between the spaces, from our skis and flat white road. It is bigger every time we see it and we chatter excitedly, but suddenly we stop moving. He is still so far away and we are climbing him tomorrow.

3 PM

We don’t think we can make the twenty kilometers we were supposed to but the alternate camp is too far behind and the goal is still too far ahead. That mountain is too tall.

3:30 PM

I don’t want to do this and don’t talk to me like that.

4 PM

We are standing circled round not looking at each other and just too far from where we wanted to be. Chris is standing tall and looking at each of us in turn. And then he starts changing something.

He asks us if we want to be excited, if we’re going to climb up to the very peak of Mt. Abraham tomorrow, and if we are ready to transform this long hard day into a good end. He asks us if we want to finish the distance. We do, we know we do, so we say yes, yes we do.

It is a while later and I’ve been singing off and on but it hasn’t yet caught on. The group is moving but the good steps are outnumbered by dragging feet. The mood wants to be there but it is so hard to change on your own will alone.

And then I heard Conor yell back to me.

“DEAN!”

“WHAT?”

“LOVE THE EARTH!”

I couldn’t stop smiling.

“LOVE THE EARTH!”

Love the Earth!

            Love the Earth!

Love the Sky!

            Love the Sky!

Heat a Fire!

            Heat a Fire!

Drop of Water!

            Drop of Water!

I can feel it in my Body

In my Spirit in my Soul

Hey-Ya Hey-Ya

Hey-Ya Hey-Ya

Hey-Ya Hey-Ya

Hey-Ya Ho

Hey-Ya Hey-Ya

Hey-Ya Hey-Ya

Hey-Ya Hey-Ya

Hey-Ya Ho

Hey-Ya Hey-Yaaaaa

Hey-Ya Hey-Yaaaaa

Hey-Ya He-Yaaaaa Hey-Yaaaaa Ho…

We made the full length of the day before the sun set, all singing our own songs because the music finally caught and was kept. Not everyone was where they normally are within the group, they needed time, but they were singing and letting others sing louder. That night the sunset was a late night’s stove red across the sky and resting among the mountaintops, and our camp was well set along a ridge with the most beautiful view.

There have been many days where we have been strong and happy throughout, but I felt they did not show quite how powerful our group is. We want to and do our best to change when we are struggling, rather than let the day end and just try again, ignoring the challenges.

The next day we got to the top of Mt. Abraham, and looking back down the side we had just traveled from I saw the picture that had really captured me back when I was deciding whether or not to come here. Realizing that suddenly I just walked through it, am living it, and can see beyond it, it was a wide and wonderful world at the top of that mountain.

We have been listening to The Education of Little Tree most nights. Chris reads aloud beautifully and I have been practicing when I read to the group. He is gone now, but we will see him again at NorthWoods. He is such an inspiring figure, and his home and school is known as Koviashavik, or a time and place of joy in the present moment. We’re getting closer; it feels like he’s as close as you get to being there.

 

Many of our reflections are about the Fire or Shelter Solos. For the Fire Solo we were sent out alone to spend some time with Old Man Fire, and we cooked a small amount of deer meat that tasted like melting butter. For the Shelter Solo we were sent out in groups to build both shelter and a fire, this time to cook us dinner, keep us warm, and last us the whole night through. I think it is best to let each person share his or her own experiences.

 Shelter Experience

- Dean

I fed you

I watched you drink the wood

and pour heat over me

I saw you got hungry but I wanted to see what you’d do

So I waited

you grew quiet, looking, then burned a new way

you can change your form when your meal is like this

I kept you like this because it suited me better

I could hardly imagine sleeping next to you safely

and know you are no less wild and will last for some until I wake up

but I don’t want to sleep

I haven’t for a while

I just watch you and remember to look out for now

My clothes are wet

I’ll dry them

I’m hungry

I’ll take some butter to eat.

Malcolm has woken up cold and damp a few times

I’ll move the fire over and I’ll watch the sparks

When I had to pee I came back and just looked at the home.

Smoke and embers floating up by slow falling snow

I’ve been living in there and it hasn’t even been a full night

I haven’t been living another memory while the fire burned

I fed Old Man Fire from my hands and that’s exactly what I was doing

Fire Solo

-Josia

Sun

I see you up there

But where are you, really?

I can’t even fathom

How far you are

Your real location

But you just keep on going

Unrelentlessly working

Shining your light for us

So I will do this thing for you

All I can offer

It’s a sun salute

I reach up for you

Hold your tickling fingers to my heart

Between my palms

Then welcome your beauty in again

Down to the earth

My feet

The snow

Hide from you, just a little

Close my eyes in pure reverence

And then curve upwards

My body yearning for the feeling of you upon me

Then again

With a deep breath

I will point down again

Bow to you

The strength you put in all of the trees

Bestow upon them the potential

The desire, even

That they have

For that strike

And to Burst!

Into flame.

To the occupant of my fire solo clearing

-Michal

I apologize, didn’t mean to stare

you were standing so peculiar there

most of your flesh has been long gone

and your tattered dress is just hanging on

ghostly, it wraps you from head to toe

fitting loosely, far too much fabric to sew

you looked like a mummy who stood straight and tall

with really nothing left under your skin at all

In a sunny small clearing you hide from the light

Under your tattered garment so white

I know it was rude to disturb your attire

but I just wanted a small piece of your dress for the fire

Ode to the Yellow Birch

-Michal

A young yellow birch wears a beautiful gown

it’s a glimmering silver, a yellow beige brown

the queen of the woods, she reaches for the skies

and holds in her fingers the sweetest surprise

what a minty aroma surrounds her small buds

as she watches with splendor over mosses and muds

but an old yellow birch is even more regal

she knows that vanity is a thing that is evil

she shredded her white gown, her branches twisted and turned,

for the respect of the forest,

she has already earned

Fire Solo Reflection

-Adam

I walked into the winter woods today, more than a little nervous, but I walked out feeling more at ease than ever before.  I may be still a stranger amidst these trees and hills, but I am no longer a foreigner there.  In spending time alone with a fire, I realized I had learned so much and was putting it to good use.  I felt strong and calm all at once.

To have learned the four cardinal corners of the world, and to know them by the sun, is to carry a compass rose in your center. You begin to grasp your place in the world, where you stand in wider scope. 

To know how to build a solid bed for fire is to know how to build a house for yourself, anywhere.  This ability can only grow, ad it sustains the fire you carry in your being, even in the dark and cold of the bitterest winter nights.

To be sheltered by familiar evergreens is to be nestled in the lad, to feel the security of shelter where there was none before.

How strange to be human, just another animal yet totally peculiar too, one that cannot survive long without all the trappings of modernity.  But today, armed with knowledge, matches, an axe and little else, I felt more at ease in strange woods than even the familiar woods and paths I know and have trod many times before near my home.

Today I befriended Old Man Fire.  He’s a wily, hungry old boy, and I think we’ll only become better friends from here on out.

Fire

-Willy

As I looked and found my spot, I began to dig and thought

“What a decent day today to go and pick this game to play”

I can still remember a time,

Now it feels like such a crime

When I needed far more than just a match

I burned up the entire pack

So I sat and dug my hole

Then I set out to fulfill my goal

I gathered fuel from a fallen tree

I must admit, I felt quite free

I set my twigs and birch bark down

Opened my matches and I found

My striker was deep inside
I would have to improvise

Two matches I struck together

It all went well, thanks to the weather

I had a fire so beautiful

Bright flames bucking like an angry bull

I connected with those flames

I’m pretty sure it had a name

We got deep in conversation

Neither of us had any reservations

I popped a squat a few feet away

I know Mr. Fire thought it was okay

We had enough time to not be shy

By the time we said goodbye

Living in the Moment

-Everett

It’s true we live nearly all our lives thinking about what we did or anticipating what is to come.  Is it bad to look forward to things? Is it bad to look back? Living in the moment takes focus. Going down a frozen stream, over rocks and holes and frozen waterfalls, through ice, as fast as possible takes concentration.  Living in that moment there is no room for anything else. To truly do something well, you absolutely must be entirely there, grounded and attentive to what is happening.  Yet without what we have done and without knowing it we are nothing. Animals live in their moments, looking for food and shelter.  Are they more perfect than us? Looking back and looking forward is a gift and we should accept that and meditate, letting our minds drift. but when the time comes we should be there to throw ourselves into anything with all our minds and presence.

Fire Solo Reflection

-Noah

Hello old man fire, I have some wood for you to eat

as long as you cook this piece of deer meat. 

Oh hey, you burned it.

Well, that’s okay. 

I’ll just have to eat it anyway. 

My feasting is done, and its time for you to leave. 

And to make sure you go out, I’ll spray you with my pee.

Cold

- Malcolm

Every night I awake with fright 

and an awful dread for soon, I know, I'll have to go

and get out of bed 

when outside

I'm petrified

and I feel frostbitten 

I wish I had thought and stopped and gotte

my soft warm wool mittens

but its too late

I have a date with the far off pee tree

the snow is cold but I can't hold off all this urine inside of me 

well now I'm done so back I run

and lord I am quite glad 

as I breath deep and fall asleep 

I think 'cold ain't so bad'

Old Man Fire

-Conor

The bed is made

Finder awaits his survival

Shrouded by tipi’s shade

A spark enters the twiggy hall

Fast comes old man fire

Waiting no longer,

A flame crackles hotly

That’s when I ponder

Will the wood run out shortly?

Hungry is old man fire

More fuel is needed

I dash to and fro

Yet not enough is gathered

Showing his displeasure, he sinks low

Almost out the door is old man fire

At last I find bigger wood

On top it goes

Now he can stay if ever he could

The rising flame warms my toes

Happy and at home is old man fire

Update 5

I’m sitting at a table in a cafeteria at Farm and Wilderness where we are spending our first Layover.

We are all in the middle of our Big Jobs and have been for quite a while.

Conor just came out of the kitchen with a large heavy pan and took it outside. Michal is asking me to spread the word that our batteries have been recharged and we should put them back in our headlamps. Everett is pouring over maps and looking for good campsites with Chris, our new teacher, who just asked if we’ve learned about natural pathways. They are preparing the Second Leg, which Everett will head, while Malcolm is pouring over a second set of maps with his journal out and a pen in his mouth, preparing the First Leg presentation. Noah is hand sewing up all holes in our group tent with patches of Egyptian cotton. Willie just came up from the basement with a loaded dry laundry bin and Lu is asking him about the clothesline in the basement.  Now she’s headed out to find Michal. Adam is cooking English muffin pizzas and beet cabbage salad for dinner, Josia is in the kitchen with him talking about scrubbies and refilling the spice kit. Conor just returned with bags and bags of trail meals carried on the pan he had brought out and he’s lining the bags up against the wall. I’ve been trying to write this update for a very long time, but I’ve been unable to find a beginning that I like.

I’m happy with this one. There have been a few strong moments where I feel spectacularly in the moment and writing this was one of them.

Right now we are with Lu and Chris, while for the past few days we have been with Misha and Andrew. Andrew is coming back in a day or two, before we head back on trail the day after tomorrow, but Misha is back at Kroka now preparing for an expedition on the Rio Grande with schoolchildren.

We don’t know if we’ll see him on trail again but we hope we do, otherwise it will be when we return to Kroka. I am so grateful for what he has shared with us and I cannot wait to bring back what I am learning into my life back home. Sometimes it is hard to stay in the moment and continue learning because I can’t stop thinking about how to apply it later. That is a lesson in itself!

Misha has talked with us about how he chooses to approach his own life. He doesn’t think it’s worth it to spend your time fighting against something you don’t believe in when you could be changing your own life to support your own beliefs and values, what you do believe in. This way you are creating something rather than trying so hard to stay still. If you change yourself first the world will change around you.

I want to approach college differently. I’ve only gone through one semester and during that time I was fed in a dining commons one minute from my dorm, where the dorm’s floor and bathroom where cleaned every day by a very nice janitor. I did not participate in clubs more than a few times because I was always too tired to go. I kept planning to do it later and I did just enough to stay happy about it. I did not work and my parents paid for everything. I took a few classes and some of them were really interesting, but one was certainly not worth it. I got all A’s, but they weren’t so challenging. I learned I want to learn a lot, but I did not dig too deep. I was slightly uncomfortable with that, but I told myself "I will start soon, when I have more time", and I did not manage my time well.

Being here I am realizing that I was blocking myself. I should not wait and I should not have to sign up for something next time in order to make a change in my life or find what I am trying to find, but I’m so glad that I signed up for this. Every moment.

There’s so much more to learn from Misha, but there’s so much to start learning from Chris too. They have two very different approaches on the same ideas and that will for sure be valuable. Misha made sure to remind us that his way is only his way and that we should not take anything that he says for granted. We’ve got to develop our own ways.

Conor packed different trail food depending on which teacher we would have and jokingly said that the difference between Misha and Chris can be summed up by saying that Misha is InstaBeans and Chris is soaking them the night before. The truth is that Misha said that there’s no such thing as instant beans and we just ate different meals rather than deal with them. Still, each meal took time, preparation, work, and love. One night we had millet and lentils with rehydrated peas and carrots, and another morning we had seven grain with plenty of butter, completely cooked the night before.

Some of my favorite conversations have been about how to prepare food or food history. I want to make sauerkraut when I get home. I really like that on trail we can only eat what we can store away for the winter. The only fruit we’ve had is dried, or a leftover apple that’s been frozen and thawed repeatedly in Wille’s day food bag next to a jalapeno. It tasted very strange. I’m happy that we’re eating so well that I have no cravings.

Life on the Trail is something else.

On our first day we were driving to Somerset Reservoir to be dropped off and begin our Expedition because there was no snow to start on at Kroka, and as Misha drove by a trailhead he asked us if we wanted to start 12k further South. He seemed enthusiastic, so half of the half who were awake loved the idea and the other half either said "I guess that sounds fun" or they woke up parked not at Somerset Reservoir.

On Day 2 I found myself double polling across that frozen reservoir, all alone for a long stretch between two bends in the land. The ice was dark and the heavy wind blew the snow across like sand and a few soft mountains rose up just beyond the shore. I moved slowly and felt small in front of the landscape, but like a part of it. I was very tired, but I was supposed to stay with the front group so I kept trying to catch up. We, Misha, Josia, Adam, Everett and I, had been sent ahead to find and set up camp before nightfall, because the group was very tired and would not make it there together before it was dark. By starting 12k earlier we made the first few days much more challenging. We had a resupply scheduled with Lisl that we had to make, so each day we went farther and we were still wobbly. It was a good thing.

We are much better skiers now, even though the snow has not made it easy on us. It is icy or crusty or in patches not even there, but we are making it across and even going on some fair downhills on it. Some of us have to walk more than others, but with the first good snow we will all realize how fantastic we can move.

You know when you can make it down a long windy hill on the just barely not icy Catamount Trail with a large heavy backpack and drop offs on either side that you are better than before. You know that you have improved when you herringbone up a hill. Previously, when walking, you might have used your hands, but now with that same backpack it is easier than what you remember without one.

We are confident when we sing. Confidence makes you sound better and that gives you more confidence. That doesn’t just apply to singing.

Because we still have running water in the streams, we wash ourselves every day.  The water is cold, so we use our bandanas or hands to bring the water back up. The steam pours off of our skin and warmth comes over us like chills do after a hot shower.

One day we were by a stream deep enough to dip under in and some of us went for it. I’m proud that I did, but Malcolm shallow dived and showed everyone up.

Later we learned we disrupted salamanders hibernating in the mud. Misha saw one swimming and knew that it would die soon, and we don’t want to do that again.

We are more aware of the clouds and the weather, the Four Directions, the trees, drinking water, and animal tracks. I love to follow the moose tracks. They often follow the Catamount and are fresh. Misha helped us to notice them and Chris will be there to bring us farther in our tracking skills. With Misha we’ve covered a very strong foundation of Wilderness Medicine, and we were even surprised with a drill where Andrew supposedly went to use the bathroom and never came back. We searched for him in a safe and organized way and found him slumped against a tree. He did not wake up, so we covered him in a sleeping bag and carried him back to camp. We only had to carry him a few hundred feet, and afterwards he sprang back to life and said we all did great, but he did look very cold when we found him and he was very difficult to carry. It was good to go through that before it might be real.

There was a long and steep and wide stretch of snowmobile trail so we grabbed each other’s backs and formed two high-speed bullet trains. Just before the bottom we lost it and rolled hard or slid hard to a stop, and it was an unbelievable amount of fun. We got going fast. You should all try it.

Looking in the mirror at Farm and Wilderness has been so fascinating.

Each of our personalities are distinct and strong and are strengthening the group, even if they don’t believe it. We all belong here for different reasons that compliment each other’s reasons. Sometimes we are mad, but the closest I’ve felt us was the night after our most challenging day. We shared ourselves as we have before, but it was so much stronger and meaningful because of the friction and I loved everyone in the group, especially those who struggled most. Thank you for being here and opening us in that way. Everyone is reforming themselves here in some way and I feel different. Each person is having a strong impact on me and I want to share them with you but it’s something that has to be shared person to person.

Some of these feelings may be hard to take seriously from reading an update at home, and that may be because these updates condense a lot of reflections that I accumulate without all the context of being here. There are so many stories! I want to tell them all.

I’m in the middle of a frozen beaver pond staring up at the dark white evening sky and the silhouette of an enormous tree. It sprouted from the center of the pond, where there is an island, and I wonder if it remembers a time before here became America.

I walk over the ice, over the rise in the land, and press my hand against the bark as the stars come out.

Work from Pushups and Poetry

Dear readers,
Our next update, complete with pictures from the expedition, will be posted when the group gets to Farm and Wilderness.  For now, we hope you will enjoy the following journal entries from the first few days on trail...

What work did I do today?

As cook, I woke up earlier than most of the group to start the fire and heat up breakfast. It takes a lot of will power to climb out of my sleeping bag. Then I helped pack up camp. Later at our next camp that night I taught Adam the basics of cooking. After that I spent my time preparing firewood. This is what I did around camp today, but it is certainly not all the work I did. Simply moving from camp to camp is more work than I do once we reach our destination. The long, icy hills had to be climbed, just as the treacherous and equally icy downhills had to be carefully navigated by ski, until it became more practical to walk. I find the time I spend traveling to be very exhausting. My pack is about as heavy as I can manage. Yet I enjoy this daily challenge. I hope that my struggle on trail does work of its own. I hope it makes it easier for others to continue on with their burdens and I hope it makes me stronger and my future struggles easier. All my day was work, but it was all enjoyable and meaningful…

Maybe this means I did no work.

--Conor

What does it mean to be strong?

I know this experience is strengthening me, mentally and physically, but I cannot be sure that I am strong. If I can keep up, if I can make good progress and carry heavy gear, that does not make me strong, it just means I’m a diligent pack-horse. If I arrive at camp grumpy, eager only for sleep, and only to satisfy my own needs, I am not strong. If I simply give of my possessions and not of my spirit, I am not strong.  What would be strength then? Strength is selfless sacrifice and patience for others or yourself when you or they are weak. Strength is knowing when to pull and when to push. I am not strong yet, but I am learning. We all are. Strength lies in the choices you make.

--Adam

My skis slide over fallen trees and thru streams

They slide down hills I’m trying to go up and thru bushes I try to go around

I work all morning and thru lunch

I don’t take my skis off

I ski past my exhaustion and thru my tiredness

with each down hill I leave my fatigue walking far behind

but with every looming hill fatigue always comes strolling up

and only by clinging tooth and nail to determination can I stay on my feet

--Malcolm

Over these past few days of expedition I have learned so much. I can now set up and take down our giant tent. I’ve learned how to identify many trees, and my skiing skills are improving. I am having a great time.

--Noah

Today I tried to carry a lot, and it was more than I could carry. I had to swallow my pride a few times. I was sad and I wanted some time alone to miss some people back home.

But I also saw Malcolm and Everett running downhill with their backpacks and I started running too. I asked Josia what song she was singing and if she could teach me.

I didn’t learn it yet cause we got distracted but it felt good to try.

I felt good to try to carry so much even though it was really hard on me.

That’s where I want to be so it’s good to try to be there. I want to help more.

I was not at my best this morning. I snipped a bit and the water job made me nervous when I wish it didn’t.

I’ll try again when it’s my turn and I’ll do better because I messed up. It takes me time until I can go fast. I build up slowly but I know I’m not back at home anymore.

I like to imagine what I would be like as a teacher or on my own once I’ve gone slow long enough to be fast. But I think I will always like to pause and think and listen. That’s my right way.

--Dean

We are a group.

Is it a community?

I’m not really sure.

But it’s forming.

steadily.

How does one define that, though?

Is it by love or the quantity of work put in?

Quantification is messy.

Brings confusion.

We travel

eat

sleep

sing.

But do we really

truly

know each other??

Will we?

I hope.

It seems

that we still have flaws.

Holes in our woven cloth,

But that is inevitable.

We try hard

To work things through

Talk

And discuss

Compare thoughts

Intertwine heartstrings

To make the majority sing

feel right.

Feel welcome, at home.

Be able to fall asleep knowing

that there is love to be had

Here

for everyone,

no matter what.

--Josia

To be strong is not only to be strong in body but in spirit and in mind. To be strong is not to be unwavering but to be flexible and balanced and allowing. When you’re crossing a great mass of gurgling, cracking frozen ice and your limbs are sore and body tired but your mind pushes itself forward being the only thing left holding the myriad of the other parts together. When you’re struggling up a hill with a heavy pack on your back, sliding down as much as you are going up. Falling and pulling yourself up again and laughing and joking and singing and encouraging those behind you. That is strength, to be cheerful and always present in your mind no matter the difficulties.

-- Everett

Update 4

We are on the trail!!!!

Yesterday, February 1^st, we started our journey on the Catamount Trail about 7 miles south of Somerset Reservoir, 5 miles west of Wilmington, VT. As we were driving to the trail head a beautiful rainbow appeared over the western horizon and brought smiles to our faces. What better omen could there be to send us off on our long awaited adventure.

Just three days earlier families had come to Kroka  for a day-long visit.  A day of rest and reconnecting.  Following are letters from the students addressed to their families.


(Unfortunately Everett’s letter got misplaced in the shuffle of departure and will hopefully follow later. Sorry!)

Dear Mom, Gary, Terri and Brent,

            It was really great to see y’all on Parent Day. I accomplished everything that was on my list for that day, except for showing off skiing (due to lack of snow). Getting to relax for a day was pretty great; it was even greater to dart about in Keene, then over to the gas station in Alstead, then over to Orchard Hill’s bakery, then back to Kroka and over to the iced-over beaver pond with the four of you. It was nice to briefly catch up with the outside world and show off the new world I’m in. I hope to see you somewhere along the trail (maybe somewhere where there is snow). I know this has all been extremely beneficial.

            Love, Willie (Keepin’it all in the key of “Poo”)

I love you Mom, Dad and Glen

            It’s been us 4 for a very long time. Does it feel strange to be 3?

It feels strange for me. But I know I’m in the right place at the right time doing the right thing.

This has been in my future for a long time. I know that there is much more beyond it as well. I am not just in the future that I’ve waited for, I’m a bit beyond it. I’ve already started College.

What has it felt like to watch me grow up? Do you see yourselves in me? I do.

I feel as if I’m on the verge of something great. But I feel that I might be on the verge of something great until the end. I feel like that’s the right way to live. I am already proud today. There’s just more to do and I am here to do some of it.

Thank you for being proud of me. Thank you for being there.

            I’ll see you soon,

            Dean

 Dear parents and Aryah,

            It was great to see you at parent day yesterday. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I’ve learned to really appreciate to just sit among people you care about and just talk or knit or do some other mindless task. Today I had time to scratch off a satisfying amount of my handy-dandy to-do list. I am almost ready to go. Now it is time to mentally prepare for the expedition, which I think we are all doing in our own ways.

            Today we ate the leftover broccoli soup, thank you so much for letting me keep it. I’ve been so happy here and I want to thank you so much for everything you’ve done to help make this happen. I wish you the very best and will be thinking of all of you.

            Much Love, Michal

Hi Mom and Dad,

            I enjoyed seeing you on parent day. Thank you so much for sending me here. There is no other place I’d rather be right now, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.

            I love you a lot, Noah

Hi Mom and Dad,

            Before our phone conversation, I wasn’t sure that either of you would come to parent day. So it was great that both of you could make it. Our little trip to Brattleboro and back was a lot of fun. It was nice to get away from everything and relax with you for a while. I needed a day like that. Thanks so much for bringing me the things I needed. They will serve me well for the next four months. Preparing for parent day was a little stressful, but it was worth it and I’m looking forward to the next one.

            I hope the kitchen remodel goes fast and doesn’t stress you out. I can’t wait to see it when I get back. Give Charlie a good belly rub for me.

            Love, Conor

To my parents,

          Spending yesterday with you was really everything I hoped it would be. I got the chance to show some of the work I’ve done here while reconnecting with both of you. You gained a sense of why I‘m here and what it means. I was anxious in advance, or at least confused, not knowing what to do, or what to say. But we were just ourselves on Parent Day and I was able to spend a beautiful January day with the parents who I love and appreciate so much. We had the campus to ourselves and I got the knitting lessen Mom’s promised me for my birthday. I got a flavor of time without distracting myself from the task we have at hand here.

            Thank you for enabling this year and supporting me, as you always have. You have always been my surest teachers. I am proud I could be your son, and I’ll be thinking of you both every day while I’m gone. You’ll always be my parents, and I’ll always love you. Kiss Wildfoot for me. Homesick no longer.

            Your son, Adam

Dear parents,

            Hey so… just talked to you yesterday and not much has happened since. Although… guess what… I found my knife. Yay, and all that good jazz!

            Dadi, sorry I lost service and don’t really remember what we’ve been talking about. So… yeah, love you. Also, Mom told me about your plans for the Super Bowl and they sound super fun. I hope you have fun and I can’t wait to see you in the spring.

            Mom, nothing new, but I still love you and it was GREAT to see you.

            LA, don’t actually know if you get the updates. I’m having a great time and I hope you are too. Miss your silly ways and love you.

            And to all, love you and miss you, Malcolm

For the “parentals”,

            Yesterday, while it was lovely, it was also hard. You came into our new home, which we opened up to you, and it began tie our home and Kroka lives together. Changing like this is hard, even more so because in just one day, it is going to change again for us, from base camp here to life on the trail.

            So I am trying to smile, to sing loudly, eat enthusiastically, shove off the stress and ruckus surrounding our final hours of preparation. All for that one shining idea, the dream that has been building a home for itself in my brain for so long: living on the trail.

            Having you here yesterday was a day off for us, it seemed minimal work needed to be done, and it fell on my shoulders how close we are. I could step back, reflect to you how we have been living here, and share in the renewed excitement all around at the prospect of the trail.

            You brought news, food, hugs and change. We served up simplicity, work, passion and dishes. An all-around reasonable trade.

            So, thank you! Josia

Next update in two weeks after we reach Farm and Wilderness in Plymouth, VT. Think SNOW!